32) The Cliterati Chronicle
Tips to Sweeten the Dracula Tea Bag
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🎉Welcome to Issue #32
*Disclaimer: Our thoughts are not meant to replace the recommendations of your medical provider. This isn’t advice, just what we found interesting*
Hi friends and welcome back to The Cliterati Chronicle. It’s been a couple of months since we last talked. I’m back this month to chat about Pap smears. (Name after the doctor who invented them and started his research in 1923, Georgios Papanikolaou)
Being a responsible girlie, I recently went to my gynaecologist for my yearly check up. I wanted to do a Pap and make sure everything is on the up and up. Cervical cancer is no joke. (The American Cancer Society estimates that about 13,820 cervical cases will be diagnosed this year, with 4,360 leading to death.) It is insidious illness that slowly develops over the years and eventually surprises you. I don’t like those kinds of surprises, which means regular Paps are essential to keep on top of my vaginal/cervical care. But I wonder if I’m the only one that thinks it absolutely blows? For years now, visiting the gynecologist has been a daunting experience for me. Aside from the fact that your butt’s naked and vulnerable, and someone is literally looking inside you, the feeling of pap smears is indescribably uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s painful. Sometimes it’s a whole-body reaction. If you’ve ever had to do a cervical biopsy, a LEEP, an IUD insertion, or any other procedure that you weren’t given anesthesia for and sat through the pain then you know that this visit is going to be an anxiety nightmare. In the interest of sharing our stories to demystify the process and help others feel more comfortable and prepared, here's a glimpse into my recent experience.
To be honest, I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to have the visit. I put it off for as long as possible but eventually, begrudgingly, I made the appointment. All week, I was anxious. Anxious about getting naked waist down, talking about my medical history (especially in the current political climate), and getting ultimately ‘PAP’ed. I just wanted my nerves to be calm, for it to not hurt, and hopefully not fart. That’s what I hoped. Alas, only one out of those three hopes came true. If you’re wondering, I didn’t fart.
The clinic atmosphere was calm and quiet, the medical staff was polite. We went through all the steps, and everything was like usual except the PAP itself; this time it was odd. Not the usual oddness where you feel like someone is poking your insides, but a painful scratching that sent a nauseating combo of cramps and pain up and down my spine. Fun fact, originally the medical and scientific community wrongfully thought that the cervix (the subject of the Pap smear) is not sensate, meaning it doesn’t have sensory experiences. Eventually, physical and MRI studies showed that not only does the cervix register pain but also pleasure via three nerves that collaborate to take sensory information from the cervix to the brain: Pelvic, Hypogastric, and Vagus. Isn’t that cool?
Yeah. Except medical providers still don’t use anesthesia for cervical care unless asked and insisted upon.
Anyway, that PAP was the longest minute of my life. While she was scraping away what felt like every ounce of cervical cells I have, I heard the famous words: “it’s just a little bit of cramping, you’re almost done.” She had the most unfazed, normal tone. It’s the kind of tone that usually shuts me up. Like I’m being the child here, I should grow up, grow a puss, and take the pain. Also, you know, the cervix only “cramps.”
In the end, my nerves didn’t stay calm, and it hurt. Sure, I didn’t fart this time but when she was done, I was in pain, lightheaded, and ultimately too chicken to speak up about it and demand better care. The rest of that day just sucked for me.
I tell you this story because well one, I want to and two, I think medical providers need re-education on pain management and gentleness when it comes to vaginal health. Saying things like “just a little cramping” and trying to rush through a procedure that actually hurts, don’t work. It’s just annoying and de-incentivizes patients or downright scares them. Visiting the gynecologist is such a crucial part of maintaining reproductive health and I know I will have to go back. But for next time, I’m promising myself to say something and express my concerns and pain.
Period Tips By Phase
*note: not all periods or phases are equal. You might spend a longer or shorter number of days in each of the phases than other women, girls, trans and non binary people you know that menstruate.*
🥚 Ovulation (Day 1 - 13) → Feel confident
✮ Riding the high of the follicular phase, you’re still feeling confident during ovulation and you’re probably feeling the horns. This is a great time to speak up for yourself!
Are you focused on fertility, have PCOS or endometriosis, are transitioning f > m, or want specific tips? Drop us a note and let us know so we can share info for you!
Know more about your cycle’s phases → Read
Track your cycle manually → Read
Track your cycle with apps, apps, and more apps → Download
Period Aesthetics
It’s Provocative
Indiana Jones and the Speculum Of Doom → Read
Thanks for reading Pink Lemonade. Make sure to share these tips with all your fellow menstruators to sweeten their time of the month. Be someone’s period fairy this month. 🪄
Meme’s for days
😺Thank You for Reading Issue #32!
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